While I’m Still Alive – Lessons Learned – Part One
Somebody asked me the other day, “How are you feeling about your life?’ rather then the standard, “How ya doin?” I had to stop for a moment and ask myself how did I want to answer that question? Usually I answer with “Fantastic” even though I may not feel fantastic in the moment. People really don’t want to hear that I’m tired, or mad or disappointed if my life isn’t working out the way I think it’s should. My perspective on life has also changed since the death of my sister, Janice in 2019. She had a long battle with cancer and strokes which eventually took her life. She is the bravest woman I know that took on this battle until she couldn’t take it anymore. I’m thirteen months younger than her and my health has been pretty good. Sometimes I would feel guilty that I had my health while my sister continued to struggle with hers.
I moved to Los Angeles in 2018 to be near my son who have moved there five years earlier. I thought I would try a change of pace from Washington and try something new. My sister said she felt like I was abandoning her. I knew if I didn’t go then I probably wouldn’t move. After about eight months later my sister’s health worsened and I returned to Seattle to help care for her. Now she felt guilty because I just got settled in LA and I moved back to help with her care along with my niece. “There is no place I would rather be, that’s what family do for each other I told her.” I was truly happy to be back to take care of her and enjoy her final days together. I loved living in LA, it was fun and family comes first.
She began to have a series of strokes that affected her speech, her sight, and her brain conjured up images on different dimensions. And we walked through every step slowly and carefully until she couldn’t do it anymore and she was ready to die. I remember distinctly when the doctor asked her if she was ready to die and she was quite sure it was time. I remember trying to keep it together as I wheeled her out of the doctor’s office in her wheelchair with my niece and she said goodbye to the doctor who had been her cancer doctor for 15 years. They said goodbye like see you later not like this is it, I’ll never see you again.
After she died, I had the honor of presiding at her memorial service. It was a wonderful celebration of her life with great stories and tears and laughter of all of the funny silly moments of her life. She was a mother, wife, sister, daughter, teacher, crafter and she loved kids. We did so much together since we were so close in age. We shared a room together, had our first dolls and Barbie dolls together, rode bikes together and so on. And now she’s gone.
Her death has changed my perspective on life. I’m not longer interested in drama and negative people who waste my time with their woes and are not willing to heal those issues. I’m focused on building a life that has meaning and purpose in the time I have left. I want to be a better human and leave a lasting legacy for my children. What will your legacy be? There is a great book called, “Leading with Character” by Dr. Jim Loehr with an accompanying journal to help you discover your brilliant legacy.
Before I go how can I deepen my contribution to humankind to make a lasting difference or impact in someone’s life? What will your contribution be? What is mine to do now? What is yours to do? I value family even more with new grandchildren and another on the way.
What is it that I need to heal in my life so I have no regrets when I go? What is yours to heal? I have deepened my Spiritual practice to stay connected to the ones who have gone before me. I can feel their love and grace and yet I miss them so.
George Bernard Shaw said it best when he said:
“This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. Being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it what I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”
I have started a Meditation Healing Circle for people to gather in meditation and healing every Wednesday from 5:30 pm to 7:30 pm, Pacific time to discover their true essence and learn how to choose happiness and joy. I ask that you come with an open heart, an open mind and a willingness to step into the unknown as we delve deeper into our lives and reveal our true purpose for being here before we go. I would love for you to join us so we can support you in your life. Go to my website, www.heartvisions.com meditation healing circles to sign up. Right now, there is a founder’s group open at a very reasonable price. I hope to see you there and we can experience spiritual transformation and healing together. Blessings.
